Beach Day Birthday Or, Dear Reader I Touched Ben’s Knee

30 Jul

The Place: Santa Monica. The Event: my wink-wink 39th birthday. The Objective: Sun, Fun, Friends, and Son.  I got a room at a little place called  Bayside Motel for Natasha and her daughter Katruna. It was 60’s style with white and green tiles and itsy-bitsy decks–though we didn’t get one. We didn’t care, the place reminded Natasha and me of motels where we’d stayed in the Florida Keys around Christmas when we were teenagers and drove down there with my mom.

Birthday 2014 Nic and me in dayAfter checking in, we went to the beach. When Natasha goes to the beach it’s like we are in a four-star restaurant and have to get just the right table. We need the perfect view and appropriate beach neighbors. Usually I tolerate the forty- five minute search for the our beach patch, but because it was my birthday I  just plunked down my stuff any old where and Natasha didn’t say a word. Katruna and I headed for the water and body- surfed, me screaming like a mimi. Then we made dinosaur bone sand sculptures. I’d bought the dinosaur mold in honor of my age, and Katruna was all about making sand sculpture. As you do when you are young and fun like Katruna.

birthday 2014 Katrina in the sand

Or middle-aged and immature like me.

Birthday 2014 Me in glasses

It was my birthday and I’d play in the sand if I wanted to.

Birthday 2014 dinosaur in the sand

As good ol’ Longfellow once wrote, “Lives of great men yadda yadda yadda/Sublime yadda yadda/Footprints on the the sands of time with dinosaur molds/Godzilla, and then it’s time to drink/Tequila.”

Our next stop.

Birthday 2014 Katrina and tequila

Then Natasha and Katruna gave me some beautiful gifts–including a clutch which I mistook for a glittering piece of sequined pizza. (I tried to be polite about a really weird gift.)

birthday 2014 eating purse WE HAD OODLES OF FUN THAT NIGHT. And we confused  more than a few men–a duty that we do not take lightly. At a certain point, Natasha told me to put down the glowstick, we were leaving. Natasha, you see,  is four months older than I. Prudent and wise, that one.

We trooped back to Bayside and slept like wheatgrass.


In the morning, we walked around and eventually ate breakfast at a place where some guy was singing loudly at the bar about his dog. Then he paid us a compliment and tipped his hat and went back to singing about his dog. It’s like that in Santa Monica. Time to return to Beverly Hills. Thank you, Dear N and K for an amazing Birthday Girls’ Night Out!!!!!


After we returned to Beverly Hills, Noah picked me up and drove to Malibu for seafood.

birthday 2014 Noah licking lips in Hungry Catbirthday 2014 Noah attacking seafood stew

That boy likes his seafood. It was one of the best meals I’ve had in California!!!!

The only thing that could make such a night better would be if Johnny Depp showed up.  Obviously that wasn’t going to happen. But Ben Affleck did. Noah saw him come out of the bathroom, and then Noah sauntered by his table to make sure it was him. Ben seemed to be with his agent. They were both talking with their hands. Ben has bulked up–probably for  whatever new role he has.

I told Noah to go over and get his autograph and he said, “No way.” And then, “But you go, Mom. You love this kind of thing.” I didn’t know what he meant by “this kind of thing,” and I didn’t want to know. I walked straight across the room straight at Ben Affleck, hating and loving myself at the same time. I asked for a photo. Ben Afflck made room for me to sit next to him. Noah had the camera ready. Ben and I leaned together. His head touched mine. I was afraid–very afraid–that I was going to pee in my dress.

birthday 2014 Ben and meInstead I put my hand on his knee. I didn’t mean to but I did. Then Noah and I left.  Squealing like the last little piggy all the way home.

Noah dropped me off.  Alone with balloons, I considered the weekend.

birthday 2014 balloons and legsSun, Fun, Friends, Son. And a Star! Another year, another adventure. NOT complaining!

But, Dear Reader…Johnny?


7 Responses to “Beach Day Birthday Or, Dear Reader I Touched Ben’s Knee”

  1. maw14747 July 30, 2014 at 12:44 pm #

    Oh birthday perfection: friends, fun, food, beach, Ben’s knee.
    Most of all, to have a dinosaur and not be one.
    You are forever young, Kirsten. Can’t wait to come back to California and be young with you again.
    Keep writing! XOXO P


  2. robinbot July 31, 2014 at 11:37 pm #

    I love it. Too much fun. Happy birthday and thanks for the laugh.


  3. kwasson2012 August 1, 2014 at 12:28 am #

    Thanks, Robin! lost and laughing…


  4. haj79 August 8, 2014 at 3:43 am #

    Dear Kirsten,

    I was given the address of your blog through my stylist who apparently is a friend of a friend of a friend who bought juice from you under the San Monica Pier one day. Regardless or irregardless (please advise o doctor of letters) I began reading your treatise. This is my very first blog. As a rule I do not read….I read but it is only to really reread. I have only read three books in my life but I continue to read them over and over in sequence. The first is Little Women, then Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and finally of course the Bible (I like the early stuff with the smiting and the smoting and the begetting. The later stuff is garbage, I like the man, I respect him but all that warm fuzzy nonsense and “you’re all winners” is just crap). Sorry I digress….after all it’s all about you isn’t it?

    I started reading and naturally read everything in one sitting as I am inclined to do given my personality disorder and especially now that I have more time on my hands since being fired as a professional party planner and wedding coordinator. I must confess that I enjoyed it very much. I found the writing exceptional and extremely entertaining and I would encourage you to continue to post your new and exciting adventures. I eagerly look forward to the next one as I have decided to add your blog to my rereading rotation. I would also encourage you to write more about your experiences at the beach, especially on hot days. A possible visit to Fredrick’s of Hollywood with accompanying photos would also be a zany hoot to your loyal fans.

    I also applaud the honesty of your writing; it takes great courage to say many of the things you opened up about. I do take exception though, to your description of the mythical town of Urbana IL. I was not born yesterday (although I appear to be much younger than you) it is clear to me that this must be a compilation of a number of Midwestern towns. I find it hard to believe that just one town could contain so many slack-jawed drooling hillbilly rubes. And how could anyone with a wit of sense possible stand to live there?

    Although I do not know you….. strangely enough this women Natasha looks very familiar to me but I swear I knew her by another name. I remember, I think meeting her several years ago at either The Ivy or Spago, I was there with Brad and Angie and I was with Scarlett at the time. Brad called her over and introduced us but by then Scarlett had sunk her nails deep into my forearm and I became distracted (did you see Ironman 2….you don’t ignore Scarlett) and by then Natasha was gone. Striking beauty but painfully thin…..but nothing a half dozen double-doubles at In and Out Burger wouldn’t fix.

    Keep writing and laughing and I will keep reading (as your newest fan) and enjoy your new life in the Hotel California….you can check out anytime you like ……………


    • kwasson2012 August 25, 2014 at 4:45 am #

      Thanks for reading! I don’t really know what to say. Slack-jawed drooling hillbilly rubes? I never said anything of the kind!I love Urbana. I’m on a strange journey, Andy! check out anytime I like…not really. xo


  5. Mary Holland August 11, 2014 at 6:31 pm #

    After a long, monastic, overworked stint I am once again allowing myself fun reading. Started with you of course (Atwood can wait). And now I see that you carefully omit the juiciest details from your accounts of life events when we talk on the phone. Your hand in Ben Affleck’s lap? What??? I’d feign surprise, but you wouldn’t believe me. You know I know you. Which reminds me…I have an appointment with Orbitz about a ticket to you and fun…

    Liked by 1 person

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