Licensed To Kill Or, I Passed The California Driving Test

29 Mar

Prius at end of canyon road The Prius now has almost 100,000 miles on her; she got me out here; she leads me through the dark mysteries of Mulholland Drive; she guides me through downtown with quick turns and near misses. We regularly drive the whole length of Olympic Blvd which goes from Kosher Delis to Korean Spas to Piñata stores.  She gets me to the beach. She gets me to Noah. Plenty of times she gets me lost.

It was time to become a licensed California driver–mostly because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to park on the street; you need a CA license for that. At first I had had the luxury of Marcus and Natasha’s guest spot in their luxury garage. When that luxury ended, I had the luxury of a handicapped permit from the hip surgery, but that luxury was due to expire any minute. (You’re able-bodied, now cut the crap!)

So I made a luxury appointment at the closest DMV. There was a luxury line of about 50 people out the door. Everybody was there–old and young, stylish and rumpled, fifty shades of skin color and ethnicities.  And we were all pissed. Really? I took time off of work to stand in line for 40 minutes?! And that’s WITH an appointment made two weeks earlier. I remember complaining about the Ithaca DMV. There were always about 10 people ahead of me. (And I knew every single one of them.) A luxury!

I took the test and passed it. Strangely, there were no questions about blasting your horn at pedestrians if they put one toe off the curb, or the sacred ritual of waxing the Lamborghini, or the gorgeous kick of doing 90 mph in the Ferrari, veering in and out of  lanes on the 405, passing everyone just ‘cuz you can.

One reveals one’s soul on the freeway–one’s  uber-motor/man-ness.  If others are in the way, so be it. Driving with NY plates and license I was an outsider, just watching and playing nice. Now I have a license, plates, and what will be will be.

licensce sexy In Southern California AUTO is the logos, the telos, the ethos, the id and ego. What and how you drive is who you are. I’m driving a middle-aged Prius. Doesn’t look good. . .

Fortunately I’m too old to think that my car has anything to do with my soul, my authority, my penis size. Is this thing even real?

biting license plateThe Prius and I are now officially here, wherever  the here here is. Following the speed limit, signaling for lane changes, occasionally (ok more than occasionally) making illegal U-turns, singing the song of the open road. (Traffic ahead.)


13 Responses to “Licensed To Kill Or, I Passed The California Driving Test”

  1. maw14747 March 30, 2014 at 3:11 pm #

    Did you hear the one about the blonde in the red Prius? The car won’t beat a Lamborghini in the Mulholland 500 but the blonde is funny and sassy. Riding with her, like readiner her, is a gas.


    • maw14747 March 30, 2014 at 3:12 pm #

      Oops. Delete “readiner.” Replace with “reading.” 🙂


      • kwasson2012 March 30, 2014 at 4:51 pm #

        I knew you were writing in Icelandic!


    • kwasson2012 March 30, 2014 at 4:50 pm #

      Especially when we don’t know where we are going or what we are doing. SO FUN!!!!!


  2. Island Traveler March 31, 2014 at 8:36 am #

    Congratulations not just for the California license but living the sweet , adventurous California dreamin’ on the road with your awesome Prius! Just went Northern California for 1 week and I was life,” I need to relocate here soon!” All the best to every road you take.


    • kwasson2012 March 31, 2014 at 4:41 pm #

      Thank you! I admit to loving the 405. Surreal landscape– to an upstate New Yorker. And so far, I’m still alive.


  3. Robin Botie March 31, 2014 at 1:38 pm #

    Word Press won’t let me post for some reason. But anyway, congratulations on becoming a real licensed Californian. It’s good to know there’s a middle-aged Prius out there in CA among all the Lamborghinis and Farraris or whatever. Cheers!


  4. elainemansfield April 1, 2014 at 3:11 am #

    You hooked me on the title. I love it, Kirsten, and so nice the cops didn’t give you the humiliation of a failed driving test. You’re now officially a California Girl. Thanks for helping me remember the alternatives to snowboots at Spring Equinox. I laugh evey time I see the image of your boot.


    • kwasson2012 April 1, 2014 at 8:56 pm #

      Thank you, Elaine! That boot just keeps on going…and I just keep on laughing. When I’m not crying.


  5. Parveen Talpur April 7, 2014 at 6:46 pm #

    Kirsten I almost cried when I had to replace my upstate New Yorker license for Ohio. It seemed the end of one chapter of my life. But I hope you do not feel that way California is a good change.


    • kwasson2012 April 7, 2014 at 7:06 pm #

      I know exactly what you mean, Parveen. It is very symbolic. Especially that you have to send the old plates back. As if you don’t belong there anymore! Love to you.


  6. Nicolle Briscoe April 9, 2014 at 6:26 pm #

    Sent from my iPhone



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